Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
