So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
