Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
