The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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