it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
