And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
