we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
