Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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