he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
