Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
