Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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