it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
