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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
