Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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