How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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