I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
