My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think my moral compass just broke
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
