For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
