ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
