I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
