and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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