Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
