just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
