...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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