then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
