oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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