you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
