I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You can't special order awesome
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
