But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
