I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
