my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
