why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
