i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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