We're like a lot better than the average bears
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
