dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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