Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
