Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
