i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
