I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
