We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
