her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
