What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
