In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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