I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
only if we run a train.
done.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
