the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
