Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
