remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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