she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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