apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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