Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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