I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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