dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
